October Horoscopes

in Ark Review by


Tennessee Williams, whose attention to domestic passions marks him out as a classic Aries, once remarked that “security is a kind of death”. As a 20-something ‘creative’ who trudging through the city handing out CVs and anxiously checking on their overdraft you definitely have no need to worry about Williams’ conception of death. If your estranged sister comes for a visit over the October break it might be best to keep from introducing her to your live-in partner.


Those born under Taurus tend to be stable, it is then ironic that the revolutionary philosopher Karl Marx is this sign’s literary icon. However, according to the geniuses at astrology-zodiac-signs.com, Taurus is known for a profound desire to “harvest the fruits of labour” which seems apt. Marx remarked that “history repeats itself, first as tragedy, second as farce” – keep this in mind as you wonder whether to follow up your bachelor’s degree in literature with a postgraduate study in the hope that it might ‘boost your employability’.


Geminis are curious, sensitive souls – and you can be glad to count the people’s poet Kanye West amongst your ranks. Unlike Mr West, you are a poor humanities graduate and cannot expect the champagne to splash and the man to get cash (‘Can’t Tell Me Nothing’, 2007).


Struggling to navigate Danish bureaucracy? Feeling trapped in an oppressive and nightmarish world? Waking up feeling like you have four legs more than you are accustomed to? Well you’ll be pleased to know that you’re not alone, Cancers can count Kafka amongst their ranks.


Charles Bukowski said to never get out of bed before noon, and with your ever-waning courage to face this unforgiving world that seems like solid advice. Bukowski’s gravestone reads “don’t try” – he believed that eventually shining inspiration would hit and desperately over-working yourself would have little impact, if your life is falling apart sometimes it’s okay to float along for a bit and wait for the arbitrary movement of celestial bodies to sort it all out.


Though in the tempestuous joy of creation you might have felt that your latest short story was a genre shattering masterpiece, the light of the morning will reveal that you’ve just written something crude, grotesque and incomplete. You can count Mary Shelley amongst your Virgo buddies, and she knows all about what you’re going through.


One of the greatest Libras, bell hooks claimed that “life-transforming ideas have always come to me through books” – if only there was a well-stocked independent emporium on Møllegade that you could turn to for inspirational reads?


Ironic that a leading voice in postmodern thought would be born under a sign that favours absolute truths, the jury is still out on whether Roland Barthes was either a pioneering critic or a pedantic albeit verbose cretin but what we can all agree on is that the man was a Scorpio through and through. Though you might feel as if you can take on the world, remember that even the greatest minds can be undone by the unexpected – Barthes himself was struck down by a milk float.


It is a truth universally acknowledged that a person in need of reassurance relies on abstract beliefs in the motions of the stars to assuage their fear of hopeless irrelevance in a cruel and turbulent world. A sturdy Sagittarius, Jane Austen once remarked that “friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love”, you should heed her advice as you recover from another crap blind date.


A stunning stranger is about to walk into your life, and you will know him by the way his skin glitters in the sun. He will dazzle you not just once but frequently. Further down the line when you begin to question his manipulative and toxic behaviour, just remember that the only explanation is that it might just be true love. Stephanie Meyer is the leading literary voice of the Capricorns.


A sign known for its humanitarianism, compassion, and progressive beliefs It should come as no surprise that Ayn Rand is an Aquarius. Clearly, the challenges in your life have nothing to do with the systemic injustices of neo-liberal kyriarchy – you just need to pull yourself up by the bootstraps! Quit your millennial whinging, stop spending money on flowery prose and go found a start-up.


Pisces suffer from an overwhelming desire to escape from reality, are fearful of the world around them, and are prone to addiction –  according to some clickbait that turned up on page 3 of my Google research into the nuances of the stars. Whether through divine providence, or my deliberate and selective reading of star sign personality traits, David Foster Wallace is an archetypal Pisces.



image: European Space Agency

Simon's background is in American history and postcolonial studies. He wrote his dissertation on pirates, the extreme-Right, and the weaponization of historical memory. He now studies migration and displacement at Copenhagen University. Favourite topics: Eastern European and Antipodean literatures, zine making, modernism, and sentimental trash.

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